A Withered Life
I am going to see my parents today. I am immensely happy to see them but I know how painful it is for them to see me. I get to eat juicy sweet gulab jamoons that my mother will bring to me because of my birthday. I know that it will taste bitter knowing the pain and sadness with which my mother would have made it. I am not superstitious but the events that have happened to me in the past year have made me wanting to believe that I am enduring SHANI KATHA or a victim of a certain planet’s wrath. I don’t know what happened to me. It just went from bad to worse. How things were easy and sane and how happy I was. I still sleep every night hoping against hope to get up the next day and to see that it was nothing but a very bad dream, a dreadful nightmare.
My name is Skanda Kumar and I’m the only son to my parents. My dad, Chandra Shekar works as Quality inspector in a reputed Lamp factory. My mother, Gowri is a house wife. I am tall, thin guy who is very timid and shy hence never participated in any school activities. I just took part in drawing competitions in my dad’s factory on my parents much insistence. Even though I didn’t win my dad used to bring me a pencil box trying to convince me that I had won a consolation prize but failing miserably in doing so. My parents brought me up with all the necessary Brahmin family ideologies. My parents loved me a lot. My dad took me to all the happening places; be it a match or a movie. My dad’s factory was running well too. I had a very wonderful childhood. We live in Gokul, a small but pretty place to live in the city of Bangalore with our own small but cozy one bedroom home. It is two storeys with 12/22 feet dimensions. Others felt that the house was too small but we never once felt cramped. This place was very ideal to me as schools and college was near and all my friends lived close by. My dad’s factory was half a kilometer away and my mother’s parent’s house was a furlong away.
I was a studious, intelligent student with good general knowledge. I was a silent student with very few friends and all teachers liked me as I did my home works in time, was not mischievous and had good grades. Two things were life altering for me. First thing happened when I was in 6th standard, my classmates had started a hoax that some student had fallen into an abandoned well nearby to my school to freak out the girls in our class. Somehow the teachers got to know about it and the boys continued with their lie. My teacher asked me for confirmation as I was known to be a good student but insanely I went along with their lie with absolute stupidity almost causing a police investigation. Teachers had mercy on us and we were let off by comparatively a small punishment where all seven of us had to strip in front of the girls who ridiculed me the rest of my days in that school for my jack and Jill underwear. I had to change school as the humiliation was too much to bear. This incident made me very weak and my grades dropped, flunked in couple of subjects and I grew a massive inferiority complex .I didn’t go to any functions even if the people there didn’t know about that instance. I took a long detour from my home to school to avoid meeting familiar people. I used to get out of the house if some of my relatives came to my place and loiter here and there all the while checking whether they had left by hiding some place. I was ashamed to show my face even to my parents. I built a fortress around me and secluded inside it hiding all the time fearing when the barrier would break and I would be exposed.
If the first thing changed me, the second ruined me. I was responsible wholly for my first one but here I had an aide or rather I was an aide to him. It happened when I was in 9th standard. There was an empty site right opposite to my house which could accommodate my house five times. However, a beautiful two storey house was constructed in that place which was usually used to dump garbage. A family of four moved into their house. The man of the house, Narayan was very rich, as he had inherited a lot of wealth from his ancestors and his in-laws. He had his own granite factory and was involved in mining, which some speculated to be illegal. They had every possible thing that you can imagine. They purchased every new item available in the market. Be it a big screen TV or a fancy Sumo car. They had it all. His wife Vatsala was a housewife. They had two children, a boy and a girl. The boy, Suresh was my age and as he joined my school we became classmates and as he lived across me, we went together to school and he sat beside me as he was new and not surprisingly became friends. The girl, Suma was a year younger and was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She was the first girl that stirred up my adolescent feelings. She was sweet, shy and always had a smile on her pretty face. As they did not know about my past I gelled with them well and we became pretty close.
My parents didn’t like me spending time with them as they belonged to different caste but that didn’t stop me from befriending them. Suresh was anatomically similar to me. He was very athletic and had a flair for sports. We gambled with marbles, spinned the top, flew kites interspersed with cricket and shuttle cock, the latter almost always with Suma. Suresh was very bad in his studies and highly irregular to class. He flunked in most tests and barely getting through some with the help of me and my notes in the examination hall, as he sat behind me because alphabetically his name came after me in the class. He just passed to 10TH standard. I didn’t care about it. I was simply thrilled to have a friend at last, that too a rich friend. Most of the time I had to rescue him from trouble. He would have gotten himself into a mess and I had to sort it out for him. He would always lie for being late to school, late to home, late to tuitions and I was his alibi and had to lie to keep his subterfuge covered. I started lying again for him. I just liked to spend time with him. Be with him. Do what he does. He was the class hero, always showing off his latest acquisition, like his wrist band or his limited edition Zap watch or his new sneakers and I was his sidekick and was the first to have hands on access to his novel inventory.
Suresh had it all. He also had hobbies. He had a wide collection of pigeons; he spent a lot of money, time and effort in taking care of them, building nests for them, training them. He had five gorgeous white doves and had thought them to fly together at a low altitude, for fear of attack from eagles, which was amazing to watch. He had also himself caught two junglee’s which were impossible to catch. Training them was his goal. When the doves laid eggs he guarded them with utmost attention. When they hatched he was on the moon and was so elated. He sold some pigeons for staggering amounts and bought some more with the money. He had another hobby. It had a name and because he had that hobby, he had a name. He was a kleptomaniac. He liked to steal. First time when I got to know this, I was shocked. He stole many unwanted, unnecessary items everywhere. He had everything and got Rs.100 per week as pocket money when I didn’t know what that meant. I didn’t understand why he was doing it, tried to advice against it but each time he discarded it by distracting. I tried to avoid him but the novelty around him attracted me very much and what more I even became part of his disease. It was always these little things like key chains, sweets, pens or a little souvenir. I used to distract the vendor while he stole the items. Twice we came precariously close from getting caught but fate was kind to me then.
The lamp factory that my father was working in ran through difficult times due to some union problems and the production was stopped hence salary was stopped too. Every day there was strikes, lock downs, protesting in front of some minister’s house. The running of the family was tough as it had been six months since he had got his salary. But due to the marked auspicious time, my parents arranged for the Upanayana, the sacred thread ceremony which is a monumental day in the life of a Brahmin. My father took some loan to organize the event. The ritual was a success and I felt like being born again and to start life afresh.
All the while I had a great relationship with Suma. We grew very close and I was unsure if I was in love but wanting desperately to be in and then suddenly all that changed. Her parents went to attend a marriage of their relative and as we had our class tests tomorrow Suresh and Suma stayed back and I was asked to accompany them at night. I readily agreed. We played cards, ate hot samosas brought freshly which was great as it was raining, we watched TV and did everything but study. Suma went into her room and then Suresh brought his dad’s whiskey bottle with two glasses, a water bottle and a tray of ice cubes. He started making the drinks on the rocks. I objected fearing that we will get caught but he told that he will break the bottle and tell his father that he accidentally broke it while opening the fridge and he would convince Suma to go along with the story to convince him. Stupidly I was swayed but couldn’t even finish half the glass while Suresh drained half the bottle. He kept blabbering all the while about his pigeons and dozed off on the floor. I tried to wake him up but he was out cold, unable to pick him up I went to the couch to lie down. Suma came from her room and signaled me to be quiet and took the whiskey and water bottle from one hand led me to her room by the other. She gently closed her door with minimal noise, drank some raw whiskey, and suddenly started kissing me. The fear in me disappeared and I reciprocated and we made love on the floor. It ended very fast. We drank some more whiskey and then made love again on her bed and for slightly longer time. After cuddling for some time and mutually swearing to keep this a secret I went back in to the hall, kept the bottles beside Suresh and slept in the couch contemplating the sin I had committed, forgetting the vow of celibacy I had taken during my Upanayana just a week before, where I had to abstain from sex until marriage and be a Brahmachari.
After that things weren’t that normal. It was very uncomfortable for me to spend time with Suma. I saw less of her telling that I was busy preparing for nearing 10th standard board exam. I took the exams seriously and studied hard and was ready for it. My parents took it even more seriously, our cable connection for the TV was taken out and they didn’t attend any functions. The exams started and Suresh was sitting right behind me. As it was the board exams we were warned that other than the invigilator there were squads who could raid the hall any moment during the test time. Suresh for the entire subject kept poking and probing me for answers . I kept my answer paper wide of me so that he can copy it without the invigilator being aware of this. As our pews were beside the door we were caught off guard by the raiding squad. They took our answer papers swiftly. The invigilator intervened on our behalf and after we apologized by crying they showed us mercy and returned our answer scripts. I had lost time, focus and more importantly dignity. I had brought shame to my school. My teachers and parents blasted me. What was astonishing was that Suresh was indifferent. He told me that he was not prepared one bit for the coming math exam and that he completely depended on me. On the day of the exam I didn’t let him copy one bit even after his infinite attempts. He was furious after the exam and then our relationship soured. The results came and I passed out with first class and the fact that Suresh failed in two subjects didn’t help our union. I tried to avoid him and he too ignored me.
My summer after class ten was hotter and harsher. Our state elections passed by and the ruling party were thrown out. We were optimistic that the new government will solve the crisis in my father’s factory. It was simply too big and too famous to get shut down. The new government assured that the loan from centre will help start the production again and every employee believed it. Then they told that a multinational conglomerate is going to take over the factory and again everyone believed it. My mother offered poojas in every temple she knew for the early recovery of our only source of food. But the situation went from bad to worse. My father decided to take voluntary retirement which was the safer thing to do as he was assured to get some financial restitution otherwise if the factory shuts he would be left penniless. With a hard heart we said goodbye to the factory. The next few months were harder. My parents started to bicker endlessly on senseless matters and our resources were fast running out. The factory was shut down. My father then started to take tuitions in our cramped home. The first few months only one student came with very less fees but it soon picked up with many students studying in different standards and in different mediums with varying amounts as fees all in the lesser spectrum as each one had problems apparently bigger than us. With this diversity only one thing was common-irregularity in paying the fees. My father worked harder than he had ever had by teaching those numb skulls but the rewards were minimal. But something was better than nothing. Though we were in all kinds of predicament I never felt any trouble. Every need of mine was fulfilled. I could never thank more to god for blessing me with my parents.
I had a pattern to my studies. It was alternating. I didn’t do well in nursery, I did well in my primary and not so good in my middle classes but did exceptionally well in high school which meant that I will not do well in pre university college(PUC). Idiot that I am, instead of changing the trend I stuck to it and my grades soared. I made new friends, both my class mates, Ajay and Sagar. They were unlike my previous friends; they were like me. Both were good at studies but all three of us did horribly in the tests. We bunked classes, went to movies, picnics, matches all without our parents knowing. We spent most of our time on the unused railway tracks near the station overlooking a large slum. It became our adda. Ajay and Sagar used to smoke so I smoked too. The fresh smell of foul tobacco was pleasant to me. Occasionally we drank too. All types of illegal activities took place around the area from prostitution to drug racketeering. Police never bothered to come there. It was a safe haven for crooks. We went there because the danger of just being there thrilled us. One night we were walking along the tracks to get to our adda and at frequent distances saw old rusty metal rings lying in heap below the broken stones found on either side of the tracks. The one used to fasten the tracks to concrete holdings. We took several of them into our bags hoping to sell them. We reached our adda. Excited about our acquisition we each had a peg and in the daze we made fun of passengers on passing trains and idiotically placed stones on the tracks and that too on places where tracks and ground are even, place for a vehicle to cross tracks, and watched trains tilt and crush them. Unfortunately for us the railway police constable on beat caught us, took us to the station by holding us in the groin and grilled us. He even found the rings in our bags. We were thrashed black and blue .Tears started rolling off us like a river from a broken dam. He made a report on us. After begging for mercy and giving whatever money we had and a written apology letter we were left with a warning without informing to the officer in charge and no case was booked. The constable asked us what if our parents were on that train; this hurt us more than the beatings and made us understand the gravity of our mistake.
Suresh had acquired two new friends too. Shekar and Muttu; both living on either end of our road. Every youth on the street knew that they smoke, drank, gambled and did drugs all still in school. Shaker’s father ran a bar which was locked down many times by police as it was accused of selling adulterated hoofs and Muttu’s father, a fired central government employee was a daily customer in that bar. Each night he would come home blabbering something, cursing his employers and harassing every passing women. Shekar also came to my father’s tuition for some time. But was later found that he just came to make a move on a girl in our tuition from the next street with whom he was particularly fond of. The girl irritated by this tipped of my father who blasted him in front of his parents and threw him from the tuition. Muttu was caught by my mother stealing milk packets from our house and was later found that he did that in all available houses and sold it to a retail store at a nominal price. What had started as a way to save the money given by his mother to buy milk had grown into an illicit business. He was trashed by his father on the road as my mother had complained about him. Suresh started to move with them a lot after he failed in his supplementary exams. His father had lost his temper and had broken the newly laid eggs of his favourite dove and had also let go of the junglees. Suresh was usually seen with them near our adda under the abandoned bridge doing drugs and gambling. I tried to advice him but something kept me from doing so.
It was rainy season and as every year the roof leaked in the small store room which was the only area covered with asbestos. That room was like a cell and we had a gate for it instead of a door, so if you were inside you got the feeling of being jailed. After every rain there would be a pool of water in that room soaking everything in it. So we decided to get the roof molded with concrete. We emptied the room and locked the gate. The asbestos came off and the mold was in place leaving a small hole in the terrace so that the workers could go to the terrace and smooth the surface. That hole was supposed to be closed later. Only other access to our terrace was through my neighbor’s terrace through his stairs as they were on the same level. The concrete was left to dry for about a week. One day while I was watering he mold I saw Suresh on the road down below. I wanted o talk to him and just then I saw a junglee sitting on our parapet wall. Knowing that this was a good subject to start talking with him I went straight down and informed him of this and took him into our house through the gap in the mold to the terrace. The junglee flew off . But we ended up talking and it felt good. He told me that he had joined a cell phone repair company. I told that I will join too. Couple of days later disaster stroke. We came home from my grandma’s house and saw that the six lever lock on the gate of the store room was broken and was on the ground. The bureau door was ajar. The money my dad had withdrawn from his retirement fund to buy an auto and give it to rent and for my tuition fees were stolen clean. Jewels and other valuables were in place, only cash was gone. The main door was intact so the burglar must have come through the opening in the terrace and instantly I knew who it must have been. The police were called and FIR was done. The constable questioned me and asked whether I had done it. I being a suspect in the theft of my own house was infuriating; even then I didn’t tell them that I knew the culprit. We were left absolutely broke.
I went to the tracks that night fuming, hoping to find Suresh there. Drank some and told Ajay and Sagar what had happened. I waited there for him all the while screaming that I am going to kill him. Both asked me to leave and tried to console me and as it was getting late they went home. I walked near the abandoned bridge and saw Suresh coming from the other side. My temper was uncontrollable and I ran to him and hit him straight in the gut. He fell down. I went near him and was punched down by his left hand. My mouth started to bleed. He got up and kicked me mercilessly in the groin all the while telling that he had to clear some money so as to get some crack. His pocket money was stopped and he had stolen cell phones from his work place but that didn’t cover his loans and that’s why he had broken into my house along with Shekar and Muttu and had given the money to the racketeers. The pain made me numb and I tried desperately to get up but gravity was too much. I grabbed a stone near the track and threw it at him which cut his forehead. He was furious and came close and grabbed my collar and that’s when I hit him right across his skull with another stone. He collapsed on me. In that dim light I could see blood flowing down his neck. I pushed him aside and got up. He was not moving. I thought he was dead. I heard a train coming and without thinking I pulled him and placed him on the tracks. Everything happened fast. The train bellowed again and I ran away from the tracks but conscience made me to stop and turn. It was hard to spot him in the dark but as the train came near because of its headlight I saw him. The train screamed again and at that instant Suresh lifted his head, said something which was muted by the train sound and stretched out his hand as if calling for help but the train just ripped through him. Blood splattered all across. I ran as fast I could, shivering, though I was drenched in sweat, to my grandma’s house. Rest happened slowly. I was subsequently arrested. Instead of attending my class 12th board exams I went to jail. Suresh’s uncle’s friend, a notorious lawyer piled case after case on me. Shekar and Muttu told the police that I and Suresh had stole the money to buy drugs. Ajay and Sagar told them that I was drunk and was threatening to kill Suresh. The railway theft and stone on tracks incident was booked as case. The charges were destruction and stealing of public property, motive for mass murdering, drugs racketeering, breaking and entering, homicide and harshest of all harassment and molestation of a minor. I was convicted for homicide and harassment. I can still see blood on my hands and sometimes see Suresh sitting across me with those dead eyes. I have accepted my destiny but I couldn’t ever forgive god for cursing them with a son like me. Anyway, Happy Birthday to me.
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